and the photos will show these moments were golden

san antonio. is. amazing. saying i love that city would be an understatement. i'm usually not a huge big-skyscraper-city fan... but oh my. i think it was the riverwalk that won me over. live music. outdoor restaurants on a river. and all just a flight of stairs below the rest of the city. it's the coolest thing! it was such a safe and clean city too. i'll definitely be going back there someday.

it was close to midnight by the time we left san antonio, and after walking around for a few hours, me and rotey (yes, i have countless nicknames for him) were pooped. after having to shell out $50 bucks the night before, i was determined to sleep for free last night. so on we drove through the warm, breezy night. about half an hour down the road, i saw signs for a campground, and i was sold. a little apprehensive since the campground was the ONLY thing off this exit, i attempted to push my doubts away with the thought of free sleeping. and then free waking up in the middle of the night to some wild-eyed man leaning over me, watching me sleep. and then free kicking and screaming as i'm dragged away to his log cabin in the middle of the woods, never to be heard from or seen again. ok, so obviously i wasn't successful in pushing my doubts away. however, i decided that i would at least check out the campsite, and if it looked at all sketchy, i would leave.

since i got to the site so late, everyone was already tucked away in their tents/RVs. Sadly, there was no one to collect my money that i was so eager and willing to give. How disappointed i was ;-) and i most certainly didn't intentionally drive right past the giant sign that said "Late Arrivals--Drop Money Inside" with an arrow pointing to a 24-hour building. What?? I knew would only be there for like 5 hours anyway...! Don't judge me. Finding the first open spot, i pulled my car in between two RVs and presumed setting up camp. Setting up camp for me consists of unrolling my sleeping pad, laying my sleeping bag on top, and crawling inside. I think tents are a waste of time. I'd much rather sleep under the beautiful blanket of stars. Rotor actually did act as my guard dog, circling my sleeping bag for most of the night, with a perpetual warning growl to anyone who might approach. 

it was such an amazing night. there was a constant warm breeze to keep me cool and the sky was so beautiful and clear. for an hour and a half (it took awhile to fall asleep because every horror movie i've ever seen kept popping up in my mind), i just gazed up at the stars. so peaceful. and within five minutes, i literally saw TWO shooting stars!!! i couldn't believe it! it took everything in me not to go bang on the RV door next to me and tell the neighbors what i'd just witnessed! i was soooo excited! what?? i've never seen one before. much less, 2! i don't remember falling asleep, but i do remember waking up to a certain guard dog who had fallen asleep on the job. he had somehow weasled his way inside the sleeping bag with me and proceeded to snore in my ear. 

i took that as my wake-up call, and with a good 5 hours of sleep under my belt, i decided we'd better mosey on outta there before someone realized i hadn't paid. so after grabbing my shower stuff, i ran over to the bathrooms only to find you needed a code to get inside. a code given only to those who had paid. a code which i obviously didn't have. so back onto the road we went. after a few minutes on the interstate, we came across another campground, and i snuck into the bathroom behind someone else, stole my shower, and headed back out onto the open road.

we arrived in el paso a couple hours ago... and i once again began my quest for a local coffee shop with free wifi. after much confusion and misdirection, i FINALLY found one! yay! so here we are... about to leave here and head off to phoenix next... hopefully camping again tonight. we'll see how it goes!

i've never been so alone, and i've never been so alive

to say i know exactly where i am would be a lie. i am somewhere close to/in houston... i think. and apparently people in texas don't have local coffee shops or sit outside in cafes, which is very disappointing! i was trying to support the local shops, and me and roo literally drove around for an hour in stop-and-go traffic (which is NOT fun when you have a stick shift. my left calf is going to be a monster!) searching for either option, but to no avail. finally, i stumbled upon a panera bread that has an outdoor cafe so i figured 1 outta 2 isn't so bad... and then when i stepped out of my car, i quickly discovered why it is exactly that people in texas don't sit outside in cafes. i'm not entirely sure, but i think i briefly burst into flames. since restaurants have this crazy notion that it's not sanitary for dogs to be inside of restaurants, and i didn't want my computer to melt upon removal from the laptop case, i opted for sitting inside. luckily, there was a parking space in the shade right next to a window, so after cranking up the AC, topping off his bowl with fresh iced water and promising a rapid return, i locked rotor in my car (i was smart and brought an extra set of keys so i can actually UNlock the car if i need to leave him in there for a minute).  currently, i'm sitting about ten feet away from my car, separated from my baby boy by only two glass windows, and looking like a crazy lady for all the people sitting around me who don't know why i keep fervidly lifting up the blinds to peek outside. it's okay, people! i'm just an overprotective mommy.

yesterday was interesting. we got off to a late start (even though i woke up at 7 am!). after some running/pilates in the morning (to interrupt my story, i need everyone to know that i thought i just heard my car alarm go off and spastically jerked the blind up and stuck my ear against the window. false alarm-- haha no pun intended.), i ended up having to do a lot more last-minute packing than i had realized... which delayed our departure until 2 pm. The actual driving was great. With the windows down and my baby at my side, we cruised along, listening to audio books (yes, you're jealous of my insane coolness) and a various array of music. Rotor loves car rides so no problems there. 

The tentative goal was New Orleans, and finally, we rolled in at about 9 pm. Originally, I was going to find a motel/hostel to stay in for the night beforehand... And of course, I had seen about 39 million cheap ones along the way, but wanting to reach New Orleans first, I refused to stop at any of them. As I approached the exit, anticipation was bursting at my seams (or maybe that was just one too many graham crackers bursting my seams.. i don't know). However, that excitement quickly waned as I proceeded to get lost in the ghetto for two hours, with Rotor pawing and whining the whole time, telling me that i better find a fluffy, green bush for him or his anticipation was going to burst all over my seat.

At last, i saw the glorious sign pointing me back to the interstate, and i gladly kissed new orleans goodbye! my one-night-stand with new orleans just wasn't meant to be. zipping back along the interstate, my eyes began to droop, and i knew that i needed to find somewhere to rest soon. unfortunately, traffic disagreed. damn construction. another 2 hours later, i pulled into the parking lot of the cheapest motel i could find and stood in line behind a couple of drunken/stoned hookers to pay for my room (and here's my version for mom: i pulled into the nicest/safest looking hotel i could find and had the valet park my car while i went inside to enjoy a peaceful slumber). 

as i headed up the stairs to my haven of rest, i got cornered by a drunken, shirtless and extremely sweaty (or greasy.. not sure) man, asking if my dog was friendly. "No," i replied, quickly, "he's more of a guard dog," silently pleading for rotor to let out a ferocious growl. of course, he decided to wag his tail. once inside my room, i slammed the door shut and locked and then double bolted it. for the most part, i slept pretty well (and yes, i definitely slept in my sleeping bag on top of the covers. who knows what's gone on in those sheets?? i swear, i'll wash it before i give it back, angela! hehe) occasionally, i awoke to what i thought was rotor pacing the fake-hardwood floor. then i saw him lying next to me on the bed... and silently prayed that rats couldn't jump.

so anyway... here we are. i don't know how long i've been driving because all my watches are set to different times (don't ask.)... but we've still got a few hours to go until i plan on trying to find a campsite. hopefully, we'll camp tonight. i might try and make it to san antonio... we'll see. i'm going to try and post a couple videos so if i do, check em out! 

the soft dive of oblivion

it's 3:30 am. i am awake. i am terrified. here come the negative thoughts... am i crazy?? i'm just a 22 year old girl taking her dog on a cross-country roadtrip (hey mom! good to know you've implanted your thoughts into my brain)! where will i stay? what will i eat? what if i run out of money? what if my car breaks down? what if i meet the wrong person in a dark alley??

 **note to self: avoid all dark alleys--especially ones with suspicious looking strangers.**

there are so many what-ifs! i can't possibly know the answer to them. the fear of the unknown--it'll getcha every time if you let it. deeeeeeeeep breath! let's do a little worst case scenario analysis here:

where will i stay?-- there is always somewhere to stay. hopefully a cheap hotel/hostel. but even if the absolute worst happens (can't find a place within my budget), i can always sleep in my car or outside. i can reacquaint myself with mother nature. it's been awhile anyway.

what will i eat? preferably food. since i'm doing this on a budget, i'm going to stick to more homemade, thrown-together meals and limit restaurant consumption. 

what if i run out of money? then i'll turn around and come home. the point of this trip is to learn that you can't always plan for life. sometimes the unexpected happens and you need to be able to cope. though san diego is my destination, if i can't make it there, it's not the end of the world. don't focus so much on the end point but on the journey along the way.

what if i meet the wrong person in a dark alley?? fortunately for me, when i was at super ninja training school last year, i learned just how to deal with this situation. or not. how about we just hope for the best on this one? and if not for the best, at least hope that my mace will spray them in both eyes and up the nose (with my luck, i'd probably have it facing the wrong way and spray myself...),  disabling them long enough for to me to run screaming like a little girl (hey! i'm allowed! i am one!) in the other direction. not, of course, until i knee him (or her--let's be politically correct, here) in the groin and smash all of his (or her!!) toes with my heel for dramatic effect.

now i feel much better. still a little stressed... but i think that it's just going to take me leaving before i'll truly calm down. or maybe i'll just get worse. we'll see.

ask for forgiveness, not permission

so deciding which day to leave this week has caused a great internal debate. the earliest i could leave would be thursday morning... however, my mom and jack (stepdad) are coming into town this weekend for my mom's horseshow (not exactly sure what she was doing in it--but she's been talking about it for like 2 months now... so i figured it was important i be there) which is saturday night, meaning i can't leave until sunday if i am a good daughter and go. but but but! i just received a phone call from moomers telling me that smokey (her horse) stepped on her foot basically breaking her toes, thus disabling her from being in the horseshow saturday night. yes, i am sad for my mother and her broken toes--i'm not totally heartless!-- but i am excited for what this means: a thursday morning departure date!

first mistake of my great roadtrip adventure: telling my mom. the original plan was to wait to tell her i'm driving to california with rotor as my only companion until i was halfway across the country. this way, when she freaked out, she would have no way of stopping me. but my excitement got the best of me and i told her too soon! her reaction was exactly as i expected: begging and pleading for me not to go. "it's too dangerous for a young girl to travel on her own!"  

"so what, mom? am i supposed to postpone all my dreams in life until i find some prince charming to accompany me?" 

hesitation "no..." (but she's thinking "yes." i know you, mom!!) "but it'd be safer if you had someone with you. even a girl!"

"the beauty of this trip is that i'm going it alone, mom."

"you'll get kidnapped and raped and sold to slave drivers! haven't you seen that movie 'wanted'?" (of course, she was actually referring to the movie 'Taken', but I knew what she meant).

"Yes, but if we're using this movie as a point of reference, do recall that the girl got kidnapped even though she had a friend with her. And she gets rescued in the end--with only a minor drug addiction. See? It'll all work out okay." (alright, not the best way to comfort her). "Look, mom, the point is that something bad can happen no matter where you are or who you're with. I can't live my life out of fear of what could happen. I'll be safe. I'll be smart. It'll all work out in the end."

i did my best to convince her that i'll be okay but to no avail. moomers is a worry wart through and through. angela said i should have waited until i got back to tell her that i went. i'm thinking that was a good idea. damn. anyway, our conversation ended with me telling her that as much as i love her and respect her opinion, we're very different people with different desires, and this is something i want to do. unfortunately for us, i inherited her stubborn gene so my next 36 hours will consist of screening all phone calls as she will likely call me from various unrecognizable lines in a last-ditch effort to convince me to stay. and my mom is one sneaky lady! who knows what excuses she'll come up with to thwart my plans... so until i'm successfully on the road, all calls from unknown numbers will go directly to voicemail.